Various relationship-saving ways to split household chores
It’s incredibly important for couples to be on the same page about household responsibilities. Not only will their home be cleaned more often, but it helps mitigate arguments and misunderstandings.
Chores are a small yet vital way that couples show care for one another, their home, and their relationship. If couples are not on the same page about these tasks, one partner will likely do the brunt of the chores and feel resentful or as though their partner doesn’t care about them.
The good news is is that there’s a way to navigate this very common issue. Here’s how to share those household chores with your partner, fair and square.
Figure out what choros is needed to be done and discuss your expectations for each. Everyone has different definitions of “clean," so there may need to be some negotiating on this. Both of you will probably have to deal with a few things you'd rather not make the other one happy.
Remember, chores aren't just about cleaning. Things like paying bills, sitting on hold with the cable company, doing the meal planning, and buying birthday gifts for family members take time and effort, but they are easy to forget about. If you leave these things off the list, one person can easily get stuck doing the bulk of them on top of the other chores he or she has to do.
Don't get in the habit of doing each other's chores or expect credit for chores that weren't on the list. Things like picking up clutter (his shoes, her mail, etc.) or running errands are easy to just do yourself — and then get resentful about later.
And while doing little things for your partner from time to time is always appreciated, don't do them and then get upset if he or she doesn't appreciate it or do extra chores for you in return.
When one of us finds those little tasks are starting to add up, we talk about it and work them into our overall plan for chores.
Come up with a way to check in on each other. Make a schedule, set deadlines for chores (right after breakfast each day, clean the bathroom on Tuesdays, do all chores by the end of the week, etc.), and write it all down somewhere.
Next, find a way to check in with each other without nagging. Getting a reminder from a to-do list app or a calendar on the fridge can be a lot more pleasant than hearing it from a partner. (And having to remind someone to do something can make it feel like you're responsible for the chore too.) Then plan a time each week or month when you can check-in together to see what was done and what was missed.
Add a little motivation with incentives. It can be so hard to get motivated to do chores, so give yourselves some incentives! Make a fun playlist for the times you're cleaning together or follow up an afternoon of chores with a fun outing.
And agree on the penalty for skipped chores in advance, reward yourselves for chores well done at the end of the month with something special you've been wanting for your place.
If there's one thing we learned growing up it's that it's a lot easier to get your laundry done if you know there's a shiny new toy in your future!
There are certain household tasks that are so unpleasant for both spouses that hiring someone to do it is a reasonable alternative, especially when both spouses work full-time. Hiring a housekeeper once a week to do only the most unpleasant cleaning chores is money well spent.
If you feel as if your husband will not compromise and does not think that he should do any work, then you need to have a discussion with him where you lay out all the things that go into running a household, and explain how tired you are, and ask which ones he’d like to leave undone. Or perhaps it’s time to ask a mentor couple to help you work this out.