Wedding Tradition: Here’s How to Decide If It's Right for You
Your wedding is one of the most important days in your life and, regardless of whether you are not so much into the whole wedding ceremony and every other tradition that follows it or you are a hopeless romantic who enjoys it all, you cannot deny the fact that you want your wedding day to be special.
If you are a woman, then having the most unforgettable wedding is certainly something you have dreamed about your whole life.
Maybe you are one of those people who want to have an extravagant formal wedding that includes each and every tradition common in your culture or religion.
However, what if you don't want to have a traditional wedding? What if you wish for an informal wedding that is void of any tradition?
Many duos struggle to navigate the expectations from their collective histories. Should you have a ‘first look,’ even if it will upset your parents? Do you honor the cultural customs of your ancestors, even if you don’t identify with their beliefs?
Figure out if you can put a modern spin on it.
You should look into why the wedding tradition originated and then decide if you are comfortable with its execution for our big day. And if you’re not, get creative with modern spins that will make your parents happy, but still, feel comfortable.
For example, mother of the bride and groom don't attend the wedding: In a traditional Bengali wedding, the mother of the bride and groom don't attend their son's or daughter's wedding as they believe that the mother would have a harmful or evil effect on the marriage life of the child.
Instead, you can break the stereotype and insist the mother attain the wedding at least for the last few hours or less. This modern spin on or a common compromise can really make you and your mother happy too.
So you’ve started planning your wedding. If you have a limited budget, but still want to have a grand wedding, here are a few ideas to help you cut corners without compromising on quality.
For example, Instead of an upscale hotel within the city, choose a venue in the outskirts to save on costs.” Wedding planners also suggest having wedding celebrations during an offseason period, since hotels and banquets offer deep discounts during this time.
Avoid serving too many international items, as these increase the cost per plate. On average, hotels and banquets charge Rs 1,200 per plate for including international cuisine, whereas Indian cuisine costs only Rs 800 for each guest and so on.
Some wedding traditions are rooted in finances that no longer matter for modern couples. Especially since most duos pay for their own celebration, it’s easy to let go of some old customs.
As an example, a bride’s family is supposed to pay for the wedding, but if they can’t afford it, you should still continue to say “I do.”
“Understanding how to make the most of your budget is an important factor in making decisions about traditions. It can even save you money on choosing to be more authentic to who you are than going by traditions that were started by other people.
Think about your emotional attachment.
Ask yourselves this question, "Who will this decision impact other than us?" While, yes, it is, first and foremost, an important day for your relationship, it’s also one that signifies the beginning of two families joining together.
The best solution is, talking, yes, talk with important family members to get an idea of the traditions that are important to them, and in turn, will be important for you to consider more thoughtfully.
Remember, though, even if your mother wants you to wear her "chunari", there’s a way to honor that wish without sacrificing what you want.
Ask them if you can take a piece of the chunari and use it in your chunari (veil) or as your bouquet wrap. This way, you’re still carrying a piece of it with you on the big day.
Make a pro-con list.
You’re starting a lifelong commitment, so you should be able to hash through pros and cons as a team. This is the most effective strategy, pour yourself a bottle of wine, order takeout, and sit down to go over wedding planning details together.
If you’re stuck in a decision and don't know which way to go, start a Google Doc and write down all the pros and all the cons. It will help you clarify and easily draw some sort of line on which direction you should take.
it’s important to honor family, culture, and heritage, but it’s also important not to stray too far from your vision. If there is a way to include their ideas to fit in somehow with your vision, honor that and make it a memorable moment to remember years down the road.
Choose a few traditions, but not all.
Once you have this list, narrowing down your list of traditions that you’re considering. Once you see them all on paper, you can start to weed through them and determine which ones make the most sense.
In some cases, you may not have time to do all of them, but you could prioritize the ones you value the most. You can toss a bouquet or not.
You can cut a cake or a pie, or you might not cut anything. Your options are limitless. It depends on your willingness to think outside-the-box or your desire to stay in-the-box.